


With

by gippeunancho



Category: Golden Child (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, Other, Supernatural - Freeform, brothers jangdong, kinda highschool set, side jangyoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-10-26 02:04:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gippeunancho/pseuds/gippeunancho
Summary: supernatural au where Donghyun's dead brother literally lived in his body and they tried to accomplish the older's wishes.Snuggling under cozy blanket layers, Donghyun looked at the dark sky. His heart beat slowly and rhythmically.“Jangjun hyung?”“Yes?”“Good night. See you later.”“See you soon.”With that, Donghyun closed his eyes, smiling contentedly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a manga called With!!, you guys should give it a try tbh it's really touching ;;;;;  
> This is dedicated to any fellows who love brothers Jangdong as much as me TAT Jangdong brotherhood is goal TAT  
> Alert: Overflowing cheesiness. You have been warned.  
> 

“I say no is no. He has a promising future. We are not letting him waste it on that turbulent career.” Donghyun heard his mother’s assertive tone.

“You never cared about what he likes. He likes to do it. Can you at least respect him and let him make his own decision?” Came the reply from his brother. 

“We want all the best for him. You’re all inexperienced and ignorant of impending difficulties. Being a dancer gives him no bright future. We will not allow him to take that risk-”

The rest of the argument fell on Donghyun’s deaf ear as he slowly and wordlessly retreated out of his home. It must have been him that was the topic just then. He heard it. They wouldn’t allow him to dance. They thought his passion was just a risky and aimless path that led nowhere. 

Donghyun sucked in a short breath, his hands trembling in his pocket. The right to follow his dream was denied to him. By his own family.

Only his brother stood up for him, yet his effort was to no avail.

Donghyun breathed in again, trying to think about positive things to halt his trembling.

Donghyun’s mother was remarried to another man who appeared to be a reliable husband. He was willing to overlook mother’s imperfections, for which Donghyun deeply revered him. Then, naturally, that man, bringing along an older brother, moved in and formed a happy family of 4. 

His older brother, or step brother to be precise, Lee Jangjun, was a complete opposite of him. He’s loud, sociable, didn’t like to study. Instead he spent most of his day lazing around and watching cartoons, which Donghyun often sneered at. Donghyun, on the other hand, was more of an introvert. He liked spending his time studying or playing around with his little puppy he and Jangjun both raise together-Dadi. However, there was a thing that the two share: their love for dancing. Donghyun saw Jangjun passionately let himself flow with an R&B song in his room one day and was fascinated how he moved effortlessly. The two brothers then became close as they talked about the technique and discussed new moves. Unfortunately, their parents only approved of Jangjun dancing. They never insinuated if Donghyun was allowed, too. Donghyun had been hopeful, but the argument just now stated that their parents were not in favor of his passion.

His trance was brought back to his initial disturbance. Donghyun felt his heart sinking. His parents were right. It was so risky a path to take. Maybe he might come back to it when he had been mature enough. For now, if that was what his mother wanted, he would comply with it. 

Having made the decision, Donghyun heavily walked back his home. On reaching a corner near his house, however, he heard Jangjun calling out to him. The orange light filling the whole pavement suddenly turned white and an ear-piercing honk penetrated his eardrums, drowning Jangjun’s desperate warning “Be careful!”.

The last thing he knew before collapsing was a heavy figure lying on him and thick  
liquid dropping onto his hands.

 

 

  
It had been the third day since he regained his sense after the accident but nothing around him told him he was actually living, except for his brother’s picture lying in a wreath of white chrysanthemums. His brother who had just smiled foolishly. His brother who had just fetched him after classes. His brother who seemed to be dancing around here. His brother was now beneath the coffin bathed in the faint scent of his favourite flowers – lily. Donghyun absent-mindedly scanned his eyes around the surrounding. His father was busy tapping on his wife’s shoulder. His mother is kneeling down crying her eyes out and each of her hiccups scratched a new wound on his heart. A silent person was standing near the flower wreath- Donghyun vaguely recognized him, he’s Choi Sungyoon, Jangjun’s best friend. He wore a mournful look when he gazes at the smiling picture of his friend. Their eyes met shortly but it was enough for Donghyun to sense the distasteful look the elder sent him. He didn’t mind it. It’s his fault that his parents lost their big son. It’s his fault that Sungyoon lost his best friend. It’s his fault that he himself lost his own brother. All because of him. _That day should have never happened. I should have never existed._ Donghyun thought so, when his back collided with the cold floor with a loud thud. 

Before he completely lost conscious, an all-too-familiar “Be careful!” rang near his ears and Donghyun smiled, knowing that he’s going to dream about his idiot brother in this long dream.

 

 

  
Donghyun woke up to an IV drop on his arm. His body was exhausted and uncoorperative as if an eight ton truck had just driven over him. He struggled to sit up and looked around to find a time telling device. _How long has I fainted?_

_  
“You have fainted for a day. 24 hours. That long.”_

 

Donghyun nearly jumped off the bed as he heard a familiar voice. Then chills started to rise. Firstly, that voice sounded sickenly like Jangjun’s voice. Secondly, there’s no one in this room as far as he knew. Donghyun gulped, quickly taking out the needle and ran all the way out of the room without looking back.

 

_“Where are you rushing at? Go slowly. You are still weak.”_

 

Donghyun stopped dead in his track and stumbled.

 

_“I told you to be careful!”_

 

The voice still followed him. But it seemed it didn’t come from the outer environment. It resonated in his head. The playful tone he missed so much was ringing from his own head! Is he crazy now? How can he hear that sound? He must be crazy. He has to come back and sleep this sound away. There’s no way that is-

 

_“It’s me, Donghyun. I’m Jangjun.”_

 

The floor had never been this endearing, Donghyun thought as he blacked out again.

 

 

  
“So. You are Jangjun? Lee Jangjun my brother?” After regaining consciousness and staring into the white ceiling of the hospital room blankly, Donghyun carefully said. 

 

 _“Yes I am. And you are Kim Donghyun my little brother.”_ Jangjun’s voice chirped up.

 

“Why are you here? Haven’t you died already?” Donghyun hesitated at the word “died” as a reminiscence of that day flashed through his vision.

 

_“I don’t know. I saw you in the worst state in my funeral. When you fainted I approached you, but the next thing I know is that I was already inside you. I can’t escape. It’s not like I know how to do that, though.”_

 

Donghyun stayed silent, his mind was still going haywire. Why did this happen. How could this happen. It was ridiculous even just thinking about that. But his brother was here, he may not be breathing and dancing and smiling on his own, but he was here, beside- or in- him. It didn’t matter if this was a ridiculous lengthy dream, only this presence was enough for him.

 

_“You aren’t dreaming Donghyun. I’m here with you. You must have been afraid. It’s alright now. My brother is stronger than this, get it?”_

 

He’s hearing the warm voice as he often did when he got a cold. Donghyun felt a thin layer of water welled up his vision.

 

“Hyung, why did you do that? That must hurt. Although you can’t feel that sensation now but that must hurt.”

 

_“And you have been carelessly walking. I didn’t scold you for that, lucky you. And I was willing to take it anyway. Aigu it’s alright now don’t cry I don’t want to feel tears on my cheeks.”_

 

Out of his control, Donghyun’s hands were lifted towards his cheeks to wipe off the tears shedding. Although it was his hands, he still felt tickled thinking this hand was not manipulated by his own wish. Donghyun chuckled at the touch and smiled again when he faintly heard Jangjun’s pampering “aigu aigu” he used to say frequently.

 

 

  
_“I suddenly remember something when we arranged my bookself. This comic book shadows the same situation we’re in. Although they are made up, it doesn’t hurt believing right?”_

_  
“Anyway the storyline of it is a girl and a female ghost being friends. The point here is that the ghost- already dead- can peacefully vanish after her wish is fulfilled. And then she reincarnates and become the girl's child. What a fate."_

 

"Things like that can't possibly happen?"

 

_"Me being inside your body is miraculous enough. We should just give it a try. What if it really is the case?"_

 

"What is your wish then?"

 

There’s an awefully long pause.

 

_"...I don't know?"_

 

"What!?"

 

_"I think I'm content with my life. But I'm sure I feel that I have to come back here to finish something."_

 

His head unconsciously ached. Jangjun seemed to be thinking really hard.

 

"It's alright hyung,take your time. You are torturing my head."

 

_"Oops my bad. I'll shut up for now. Go studying."_

 

As he promised,Jangjun shut up for the whole night even though he called out to him at intervals. The silence dreaded him. What if he already disappeared. What if he didn't want to stay here anymore. They had reunited for barely 3 days. And if that was not the case now,there would eventually be a day when he finally disappeared. Donghyun did not want that day to come, to tell the truth.

 

When Donghyun finally put his pen down, he hesitantly called out to his brother's name

 

"...Jangjun hyung?..."

 

_"I'm hereeee. My Donghyunie did well. Brother is so proud of you."_

 

Donghyun resisted the urge to roll his eyes but he face melted into a relieved expression. He did not disappear. He was here. He could feel him. Thanks, God.

 

“Have you found out about your wishes yet?”

 

_“Not yet. Watching you study is more fun. I’m seriously considering staying here with you forever aw”_

 

“Shut up!”

 

 

  
Going to school felt weird as now he literally had two brains. Sometimes when he tried to solve something, his brother's voice popped up and more often than not his body would be controlled by another force- his brother. This had its perks and drawbacks. For example, as his brother had studied about the problem he was encounting before, Donghyun could magically understood and solved it fast under the fastinated look of his classmates. But at the same time it caused him troubles when Jangjun freely wandered in his body and casually greeted his acquaintances as if Donghyun was him. Most of the times he received questioning stares from Jangjun's friends in response to his(Jangjun's) bright friendly toothy smile. Donghyun hadn't ever smiled that much! Poor his two slack cheeks. 

 

 _"It's your fault. My cheeks are hurting and my image is sabotaged."_  
Donghyun thought to himself and Jangjun.

 

 _"Aigu my bad. I couldn't contain myself when I met my friends ya know? To the extent I forgot I was dead."_ Donghyun's hands found their way to his own cheeks. He knew this was Jangjun's doings.

 

_"Don't say the word dead. You are here. You are alive in me and probably in everyone's heart."_

 

Donghyun really meant it. He knew everyone shared the same thought, too. Jangjun and his everlasting energy never died, he was sure. There's a time when he felt so jealous of his brother's circle of friends and his outgoing personality but gradually he felt a surge of pride and motivation watching him. He could definitely be like that too, Donghyun promised to himself.

 

His train of thought got interrupted when he felt his breath hitched and his heart skipped a beat then speeded up fast. Maybe it's Jangjun's control now but why-

 

"Get out. You are in the way"

 

A cold voice that was strangely familiar descended from behind. Donghyun looked up to find someone indeed familiar. Someone he completely forgot their existence.

 

"Sungyoon haem.." He opened his mouth to let out a foreign nickname. It was Jangjun who said that.

 

Sungyoon who was intending to leave turned his head in amazing speed and widened his tired eyes at the the small boy. This boy had just called out the name he hadn't heard for a long time. That name was exclusive to only one person and no one could use that to call him but that only one, even if that was that person's brother. Sungyoon tightened his fist to calm his heartbeat and hissed.

 

"Don't you dare call me by that name again. There's no business between you and me. I'm going."

 

"But-" Not waiting for Donghyun to form a coherent sentence, the older started walking away as if Donghyun was a kind of disease. His heart sank watching the lonely figure swayed his way through the crowd and soon disappeared from his sight.

 

 

  
_"Tell me more about Sungyoon hyung. What happened after the accident?"_

 

Donghyun was lying on his bed after taking a shower in silence. Ever since the so-called reunion that afternoon, Jangjun hadn't talked much and seemed to be in deep thought. Thus Donghyun was quite startled when Jangjun's tender voice sprouted up. His voice was never tender, unless the topic was not “my best friend Sungyoon haem”-related.

 

_"I was deep in sleep until your funeral day so I do not know much. But I overheard our mother's conversation with his mother and knew that he was the one who called the ambulance and took us to the hospital-"_

 

His heart wrenched.

 

 _"At the funeral he looked like a dead person actually. He looked as tired and shocked as our mother."_  
Donghyun continued to say regardless of the painful twist inside his left chest.

 

“…”

 

_"Hyung. You like Sungyoon haem." <.i>  
_

 

Donghyun nonchalantly stated. He was sure as hell his brother was head over heels with Sungyoon, ever since he was still alive.

 

_"Ei what nonsense you are saying? There's no way I could like him. He is my best friend."_

 

"Is there a rule stating that you aren’t allowed to love your bestfriend? Don't deny it hyung, it was pretty obvious."

 

 _"...I am dead anyway. I couldn't do anything. He should let me go and find his love. And that's what you are helping me with. I sincerely hope for that."_ Jangjun finished in a seemingly determined tone. Donghyun had no other choices but to agree to that although he still could feel the painful tuck from his brother’s heart.

__

 

  
Approaching Sungyoon turned about to be harder than he thought. His body (possessed by Jangjun) would wander to the place the two friends often hung out and he invariably found the older. He and Jangjun both agreed to let Donghyun control when they talked with Sungyoon to avoid suspicion. However, Sungyoon simply waved the younger off and gave him a cold shoulder. Sometimes Sungyoon threw a loathsome look at him when Jangjun accidentally took over and talked informally with him. Those were the most awkward moment. Jangjun went out of his way to deform Donghyun's tranquil expression to smile and talk so much that when Donghyun overtook he could feel his face hurt physically. 

 

_"Hyung. You should stop doing that with my face. And let me talk things out with him."_

 

"I couldn't help that. It's ok if he ignores me but he freaking ignores and curses my brother that rabbit will receive my fists one day."

 

_"He was just surprised. Let him be. He can hate me. I kill the one closest to him."_

 

“No one has the right to hate my little brother even if that person is Choi Rabbit. Plus, it was not you who killed me. It was that drunken man. Don’t blame yourself. It is my fate anyway.”

 

There was a pause. _“What do you want to do about him now? Do you think he is one of your past desire?”_

 

Jangjun unknowingly fiddled with Donghyun’s shirt hem. That was his habit when he got puzzled.

 

“I don’t know… But I know I have a lot to say to him. I can’t stand seeing this Sungyoon haem.”

 

“I have always wanted to see him smile, ever since the first time he gave me that bright smile back in grade 9”

 

Donghyun could feel his thin lips form an also nonexistent upward curve. His heart fell into a peaceful rhythmic melody. His hyung was so in love, hah.

 

"What are you saying?" Suddenly a voice emanated from Donghyun's back that alerted both of them. Donghyun feared to turn back to check out the owner of the voice just now.

 

"Sungyoon hae-hyung"

 

Sungyoon shook his head in disbelief as he was making his way to the small lost boy. He looked both pitiable and menacing as if he was about to gulp Donghyun alive. Donghyun heard Jangjun curse in his heard and felt him asking for control and Donghyun let him be. It's this time. They had to have a talk sooner or later.

 

“Who are you?”

 

Sungyoon felt his head numb as he approached his best friend's brother, or not? His acumen told him that boy over there was not just Donghyun. But- didn't that person pass away already? It was him who saw that crazy car collided with that person. It was him who shakily lifted that person's limp figure up and desperately wiped blood off his beautiful face. It was him who received the darn news first. It was also him who watched his most precious person get covered by the coffin's lift. He did not believe it at first, but he was always reminded of the bitter fact. Lee Jangjun whom he loved so much was not in this world anymore. If only he were fast enough to catch him. If only he believed in his premonition. If only he were brave enough to catch his hands and spit out the three syllables he had withheld for so long. Jangjun would have possibly alive, if not for him, and the boy in front of him right now. Why did Jangjun protect this boy so much when he paid little tribute to him?

 

Sungyoon grabbed Donghyun's shoulder as he reminisced about how Donghyun behaved recently. He was taken aback at first when that _Sungyoon haem_ came out of the younger's mouth. He thought he was going crazy. Donghyun remained a timid kid as before but Sungyoon was told he often acted strangely. Donghyun would suddenly shout and smile- things Sungyoon was sure he rarely did- and casually greeted Jangjun's friends with informality. It's either Donghyun was out of his mind imitating Jangjun or Sungyoon was out of his mind thinking he was still alive.  
He put more force on the grip on Donghyun's shoulder, seeking his eyes and demanding for an answer. The eyes that matched up with his pierced through him.

 

"Stop,Sungyoon haem"

 

As if he got electric shock, Sungyoon wiped his hands off and took 2 steps backwards.

 

Jangjun watched as Sungyoon got stupefied and scared off when he said that. He knew Sungyoon would find out sooner or later because nothing can pass that rabbit's scrutinizing gaze, except for Jangjun's huge love for him. If not for the serious situation, he would roll onto the floor laughing because he finally could make his best friend bewildered.

 

"That can't be"

 

"That can be. It's me."

 

It was eerie hearing that from Kim Donghyun's mouth, but it felt right at that time.

 

"How? Why?"

 

"I don’t know either. I found myself in Donghyun's body on my burial day and figured out I had to finish my unfinished wish. You are one of them."

 

"Why am I in-?"

 

 

_Smack._

 

Donghyun's slender fingers made contact with the older's right cheek. The sound startled Donghyun who was observing from afar and Sungyoon who nearly fell backwards.

 

"Hyung what are you doing?"

 

Donghyun blurted out while his hands extended to Sungyoon's side offering help.

 

"Don't interfere,Donghyun."

 

Jangjun ordered and retracted his arm. Sungyoon stared back in disbelief because he had just heard Kim Donghyun talk in two contradicting tones with his own ears. The world was indeed insane.

 

Jangjun then turned to look in to the older’s obs and commanded.

 

"Listen, Choi Sungyoon. Snap out of it. You losing a friend does not mean you losing your life. Pull yourself together and socialize more. There are many people wanting to befriend with you. Now that your shield is gone, accept them! I am dead. And this is the wish of the dead. Don't you dare let this dead person affect your life. You are a precious person in my life, I cannot just watch you seclude yourself like this. Please. Do that for me. Can you?"

 

Jangjun's voice had never been that calm, despite the aggressive actions previously. Yet only Donghyun could know how he shook inside. His heart was ready to burst out with untold emotions.

 

Sungyoon stared back dumbly as if to digest what had been thrown at his face. The two continued to stand in the garden, eyes never left the other until a cellphone’s ring broke the ice. Jangjun hissed and pulled out Donghyun’s phone to receive the call. Their father was calling him to tell him to go home. He meekly muttered yes and ended the call. After throwing a weak “please” at Sungyoon, Donghyun took over Jangjun and hesitantly walked away.

 

_“You did not wait for his reply?”  
_

 

“He might disagree. That’s what I fear to hear the most. What should I do Donghyun-ah?”

 

“I don’t know, hyung.”

 

“…”

 

“ But it’ll be alright. Right, hyung?”

 

“Yes. It will.”

 

 

 

  
It was Jangjun who did the avoiding now. He kept Donghyun from going to certain places to avoid and delayed meeting the older boy. Perhaps Sungyoon was considering really hard as he did not step out to find Donghyun first, either. That’s good, Donghyun thought, because they would have time to arrange their thoughts and reach a final conclusion that was good for both. 

 

Without Sungyoon in sight, their life continued lucidly with both brothers arguing and bonding soon afterwards. There was inevitable unsettlement, but Donghyun did not hate it; instead, he got to see many sides of his brother he had little contact with before. Unlike his normal demeanour, Jangjun was actually a considerate guy. Now Donghyun got why Jangjun was surrounded by many good friends. His sense of humour drew people close while his thoughtfulness kept everyone hooked. Although they were just step brothers, the older tended to him a lot and tried to shower him with affectionate care.

 

“Hey Donghyun, I haven’t seen you dancing recently, right?”  
Donghyun was forced out of his trance by Jangjun’s sudden question.

 

 _“No. Our parents do not allow me to.”_ Donghyun felt his legs twitched with itchiness to dance when he said it but chose to oppress it down.

 

Jangjun stayed silent for a minute before carefully voiced out.

 

“Do you want to continue dancing? You dance well. It is a pity if the world just sleeps on such a talent.”

 

Donghyun sniggers, unable to control the warm feelings invading his chest because of the older’s praise.

 

“Our parents were right when they said I was more suitable for learning. I’m satisfied with my life now. I will be a responsible breadwinner in the future. Don’t worry hyung.”

 

Donghyun said with voice laced with determination. Jangjun, on the other hand, seemed to be deep in thought and let out a forced laugh unbeknownst to Donghyun.

 

 

  
“Donghyun, let’s join this contest.” Jangjun said, slamming the leaflet down the table. Donghyun narrowed his eyes. This was probably the reason why Jangjun picked up this scattered piece of paper tucked in Donghyun’s cluster. Donghyun took a brief glance at the words written in that paper. 

 

**Annual contest for promising adolescent dancers.**

 

Actually he had known of this contest for about a month. He fought an intense internal fight until he decided to give it a try. Yet the day he was about to inform his parents this, he heard from his parents’ argument with Jangjun that his wish would never be accomplished.

 

Now that looking the poster all laid out before his eyes, along with Jangjun’s soft encouragement, Donghyun could feel his resolve slowly gripping at his passionate heart.

 

_“Give it a try.”_

 

“Do you think I can do it hyung?” Donghyun closes his eyes and listens to his speeding heartbeats.

 

 _“My cool, virtuous dancer Kim Donghyun will snatch home that trophy!”_ As if Jangjun was standing right before his eyes and making Hwaiting posture he would always do. Donghyun’s lips stretched into a thin smile at the imagination. As silly as he sounded, his encouraging words would always succeed in building up Donghyun’s courage.

 

 _“Try it, on behalf of hyung.”_ Jangjun’s voice lowers to the hush tone akin to a pained one that nearly fell on Donghyun’s deaf ear.

 

 

  
Two weeks later, Donghyun swiped his sweaty palm hastily on his knee while eyeing his rivals. The audience’s cheers could be heard clearly from here. Strangely, rather than stress they brought a surge of flowing energy to his legs, urging him to ascend the stage and release it through intense precise dance moves. 

 

Donghyun gulped, and whispered.

 

“Do you want to come out during the second verse hyung? You can use my body to dance, you know”

 

 _“Hyung will watch you well, it’s your stage now, you can do it!”_ came to determined reply. Then he lifted his left hand to circle around the other. This self hug was kind of awkward to look at, but knowing the older was trying his best to show his support, Donghyun shut his eyes close to enjoy the embrace as if Jangjun was still here.

 

“Contestant number 9, Kim Donghyun.”  
Donghyun breathed in. He stood up and marched languidly for the colorful stage. When he finally allowed himself to bath in the blinding lights of the stage, the music started. Yes. It is his stage now.

 

Donghyun exhaled loudly when he bowed deep down to the deafening cheering. His legs were shaking. His cheeks were tainted with salty sweats. His breath came out in puffs and his feet numb, but it did not matter anymore. He did it.

 

“Hyung, I did it!”

 

 _“Yes. You did it. It is so amazing! Aigu that’s my brother!! Kim! Dong! Hyun! Lee Jangjun’s only student!”_ A thump on his own chest.

 

 

  
Placing the silver trophy on Jangjun’s shelf, Donghyun observed the picture of Jangjun dancing placed nearby. 

 

“Sorry I couldn’t take home the golden trophy..” Donghyun trailed off.

 

His hand was lifted forward to caress the picture. There was a long pause before the older spoke up.

 

“It’s alright. A mere trophy is what I wished for,” His hands traced the outer curves of the trophy. “I feel so accomplished now.”  
He paused, and then continued.

 

“It’s alright, you did your best. You overshadow that first place guy in my heart. You really glows with your performance.” Jangjun softly muttered.

 

“I know you would be this awesome when dancing. You never showed your talent off. You should be more confident from now on. You will stride far with these potentials.”

 

 _“I-”_ Donghyun stuttered. _“I have to study first, hyung”_

 

“You overheard our argument, didn’t you? Yes, our parents don’t agree with you joining this contest in particular and dancing in general. But what about it? Our life is short. If we don’t live up to our passion now, when will we be able to accomplish it? Look at me now. An aimless ghost trying to finish his forgotten wishes. You don’t want to follow in my footsteps, right?”

 

His heart thumped hard against his ribcage, pumping all the intense emotions against his veins. Donghyun’s hand shook, but the other soon wrapped it up in a firm hold. He exhaled again.

 

“You are my only brother, Donghyun, I hope for nothing but to see my brother live a life he is content with so that you will close your eyes forever with peace, not woken up in the middle with burdens like me. You have one life. YOLO, Live to the fullest!” He then giggled. Donghyun joined too. They shared the laugh until he collapsed on the bed behind, all tired and thirsty.

 

“Wow remember when I first met you. You were so small. Now you’re so tall. If I’m right you’re about my mouth now right?”

 

 _“Hyung please exclude your insoles before measuring. I’m about your ear now”_ Donghyun justified.

 

“You were so cold back then. I couldn’t approach you at all. Now our baby is so cute and listens to hyung well. Now I feel like a proud dad!” Jangjun changed topic at the drop of a hat when Donghyun divulged his secret.

 

_“You kept following me. To be honest that was kind of annoying sometimes.”_

 

“But you liked it anyway, right? Aigu I know our tsundere Donghyunie the most. I always enjoyed your silent company. You are like the first friend that does take me seriously.” Jangjun made kissing noises that had Donghyun wince, well, internally.

 

“I remembered we bonded because of dancing. The moment I saw your dance I immediately thought, wow I want this brother to dance with me and make an impressive stage.” Donghyun could remember when the older offered his hand when he fell after a tumbling. He enthusiastically exclaimed, you are so amazing, let’s dance together and teach me that! Those were words no one had told him, but this person. At that moment, suddenly the annoying hyung became so lovable.

 

“I know your love for dancing is as much as my love for you. So don’t stop pursuing dancing, Donghyun. On behalf of me. Promise me.”

 

In the dark, two pinkies interlock with an unbroken seal.

 

“I promise.”

 

 

 

Donghyun’s parents’ door clicked open, alerting the two occupants. Both turned to the door, expecting to see their youngest son. In a split moment, they saw their smiling older son standing beside his brother, but he was gone the next moment. The youngest son seemed to hesitate, but he then cleared his throat and approached his parents.

 

“Father, mother, I have something to say.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

“Are you free this afternoon?” A shadow covered his feet.

Donghyun turned back to face someone who made his heart thump involuntarily inside his chest. 

Getting no response from the younger, the wellbuilt person stepped closer and repeated the question. The perplexed obs weeks ago were replaced by a determined pair of eyes that hooked Donghyun’s up. 

“I-” Donghyun cleared his throat. “Yes.”

Sungyoon’s piercing eyes seemed to be asking, who are you now, but Donghyun did not answer. 

Sungyoon lowered his eyes in disappointment when he couldn’t find out any familiarity. But he soon breathed in and looked up again.

“I want to talk. The usual place.” 

“I will tell him.” Donghyun said firmly.

“Please.” Sungyoon sighed loudly. After one lingering stare, he hastily picked up his speed and ran away.

Donghyun’s eyes followed his figure, his hand tapping the drumming heart. 

 

 

 

That night when Donghyun talked things out with their parents (that had his mother bawl her eyes out) they finally led Donghyun dance with the condition he could finish high school. However, when he was back in his room, Jangjun broke him a news.

_“I couldn’t possess your body.”_

“What??”

_“I can feel I am getting faint.” Even Jangjun’s voice was not as clear._

“..Are you disappearing, hyung?” Donghyun choked up words in fear. Is that day coming?

_“Not really. I can possess you if I try. Maybe that is because my wish is fulfilled.”_

“That is your wish?” 

_“Yes. I think. I always want you to dance freely. I didn’t actually expect that would be strong to be called a longing wish.”_

Donghyun’s heart fell.

 _“Don’t be scared. Geez. I feel it does not simply end here. There is more. Moreover, I have to go at last. I am dead anyway.”_ Donghyun hands twitched, which indicated someone wanted to manipulate them, but the efforts were not met with success.

“I know. I’m just- not used to you not being here.”

 _“There, there, it’s alright. You’ll be alright.”_ Donghyun was, after so many tries, embraced by his right hand. 

Judging from the faint presence of Jangjun, there was about one wish left. Donghyun had always wondered what that could be, but after seeing Sungyoon and hearing his (mainly Jangjun’s) intense heartbeat, he already knew this one last wish. 

“You have the same thought, don’t you?” Donghyun perched on his stool overlooking the garden. 

_“Yeah… I am not settled with him at all.”_ Jangjun contemplated. His heart beat slowly, almost peacefully, like its owner was in nostalgic mood. Donghyun figured out that when facing the neighbor, his heart wasn’t his. It thumped with Jangjun’s overflowing emotions. It speeded up when he saw the older. It sank when the older was disappointed. It softened when the older’s name was mentioned. Donghyun snorted. And he said he did not love the older. 

“So, where is that place? Your special dating spot?” 

_“W-What… N-No… It’s probably Han River. We used to do exercise there and- well created many memories there? I don’t know if he means it though. D-Don’t laugh!”_ Jangjun shouted in embarrassment when he felt his brother’s lips stretching into a smirk.

“I see~ Special space indeed.”

_“Shut up! There’s no deep meaning in that!”_

 

 

 

Jangjun deeply breathed in when he strode towards the bench he was so familiar with and sat down. He tightened his scarf as a snowflake landed on his nose. While he chanted hundreds of curse over some rabbit choosing this open space for such a cold day, a person approached his left side. 

“You came.” Came the person’s raspy voice.

Jangjun quickly looked up to the person stuffed with warm layers of coats. 

“Who are you now?” The person continued. His eyes searched the other’s obs, trying to read their emotions.  
Jangjun did not say anything. He slowly stood up and wiped the snowflakes on the older’s hair before they melted. His hand was caught in action.

“It’s you. It’s you, Jangjun, it’s you right?” Sungyoon chanted. He did not see Donghyun anymore. He could actually see his friend Jangjun standing before him and wiping off the snowflakes on Sungyoon’s coat like a day in a cold winter years ago.

Jangjun remained silent, but his action alone was convincing enough. So Sungyoon simply embraced him. The skinny body felt foreign, yet Sungyoon didn’t mind it. Whatever form he took, he was still Jangjun anyway.

Unable to tolerate the cold temperature, they sneaked into a convenience store nearby and bought two ramen cups. They didn’t talk the whole time, yet the atmosphere wasn’t suffocating at all. As the younger slurped his cup, Sungyoon stole a glance at him. Although the appearance in front of him looked nowhere near that person, he could see that person eating noodles deliciously. 

When they were done, Jangjun looked up at Sungyoon, his fingers trembling. Sensing the tensed atmosphere, Sungyoon gulped, sitting up too.

“Hyung. I have something to say.” Jangjun plucked up the courage. He would do it. He could do it. He can faintly heard Donghyun’s “Hwaiting” from somewhere in his head.

“I’m gonna be frank and fast. I have got the biggest crush on you! I really like Sungyoon haem!” 

The calm older seemed to be scared out of his wits. Sungyoon widened his eyes in pure surprise. Jangjun’s hands twitched. He immediately looked down to hide his flushed cheeks.

Pregnant silence was immediately ended when a hand soon covered his and another forced him to lift his head. The older was smiling. He rarely smiled this bright. As if he was so happy it all wrote on his face.

“It’s just, eerie, hearing that from Donghyun. But thank you for liking me. I like you too, Lee Jangjun.” 

Sungyoon stupidly smiled to his words. Jangjun wanted to leave a sassy comment on that, but he was too occupied by this maddening heartbeat. He couldn’t control his heart now. Was this how high school teenagers reacted when their crush was reciprocated? It was quite dizzy but definitely a wonderful feeling.

Jangjun unconsciously smiled again. If he was in his body, this smile could leave dimples. Donghyun didn’t have the same one. Yet, Sungyoon could still find the right position to poke, and although Jangjun wasn’t Jangjun now, the touch still felt so right, as if they were still Sungyoon and Jangjun, as if he was alive and healthy, as if there was not a halt named death between them.

Jangjun opened his eyes. The feelings had finally calmed down. Probably because he lost control of this body now. Jangjun tried to lift his finger to fail miserably. He was gradually losing himself now. Hurry up. Hurry up before it’s too late. After his third attempt, he successfully brought Donghyun’s slender fingers to embrace Sungyoon’s wide warm palms.  


 

“-I am dead, hyung”

A pained expression swept over Sungyoon’s face. 

“I know” Sungyoon muttered. His hands tightened, also gripping at the younger’s ones.

“You are the last thing I am mindful of. I have liked you so much ever since I was alive but I wasn’t able to muster the courage to tell you that. Now that my wishes are fulfilled, I’m going for real.”

Sungyoon’s lips trembled. 

“I was supposed to go to heaven long ago. I hang on here for too long. Gods are gonna punish me. They will make me a dumb four legged dog next life. Well, being dogs isn’t bad. I would rather be a well catered dog rather than earning money as a person, hahaha” Jangjun cracked up a joke which barely lifted the mood up.

“Before I am gone for real, I want to convey this. Choi Sungyoon. You should never be hung on me. Please move on fast and find a new partner for your future. I’m pretty pleased with being your first love. I will find a handsome man on the heaven and love him more than you, so to be fair, do the same. You never want to lose to me, so let’s see who win this game.”  


 

Jangjun continued. Sungyoon looked less stunned, yet the pained emotions still bruised his disbelieving eyes.

“Do you agree or not?” 

“..Take care of yourself.” Sungyoon simply said. Neither Yes nor No was muttered, but Jangjun understood Sungyoon succumbed to his promise. He sighed in relief.  
“Yes I will. Then, for now, goodbye Sungyoon hyung.” 

 

Jangjun stood up and smiled at the older. He paused for a moment to absorb more heat from their handlock before deciding to turn his back and walked home. His first love, and probably last love, started in a cold snowy day and ended there without experiencing its first blooming spring.

 

 

 

Donghyun was hugging Dadi and looking out the snow white window. He hadn’t heard from Jangjun for a while. He was scared that Jangjun might vanish without bidding farewell at first. However, the occasional flashbacks that weren’t his told him Jangjun was still alive in him. He hadn’t gone. After saying farewell to Sungyoon, Jangjun hadn’t taken over him, or he wasn’t able to do so anymore. Jangjun rarely talked too. All of these made Donghyun realize that his noisy life was indeed coming to an end. Donghyun laid back, turning his head to Jangjun’s now cold bed. 

“Hyung, please come out and say something.”

“...”

“Are you leaving? You are leaving me alone like my father?”

“...No” A soft mutter.

They both fell into suffocating silence. Unknowingly, his left hand weakly grabbed his right hand and caressed it.

_“Hyung will not be present to you, but I will be watching over you. Don’t be scared. I’m always here.”_

“I didn’t say this properly before. But Jangjun hyung, thank you. I’m sincerely grateful we became brothers.”

His lips formed a smile.

_“That was cheesy.”_

“I used up all of my life’s cheesiness for that sentence.” Donghyun shrugged.

“...”

 _“I, too, am happy I have Donghyunie as my brother.”_ Tenderness bloomed in Donghyun’s heart as he heard Jangjun’s sincere words.

“...”

 _“Promise me to watch over our parents. Sometimes please pay attention to Sungyoon hyung. But first and foremost, keep dancing and live up to your dreams, and do not give up easily. I will guard our family from afar so don’t be negligent.”_ He continued slowly.

“Now who’s being cheesy?” Donghyun resisted the uneasiness in his stomach and snarled.

 _“It’s time to sleep. You have your first dancing class tomorrow.”_ Again, Jangjun made use of his changing topic forte.

“I’m about to anyway.”

Snuggling under warm blanket layers, Donghyun looked at the dark sky. His heart beat slowly and rhythmically. 

“Jangjun hyung?”

“Yes?”

“Good night. See you later.”

_“See you soon.”_

With that, Donghyun closed his eyes, smiling contentedly.

 

 

It was spring before he knew it. Although the temperature was still low, there was sunshine that allowed their garden to bloom with colorful hues. Sunshine landed on the melting snowflakes to form a miniature rainbow on the white mattress. Donghyun woke up to the alarm. He had dancing class today. Today was the monthly reassessment so he had to prepare and did his best to impress the instructor. While making for the door Donghyun stopped at the shelf and fetched the silver trophy. He caressed every detail as if to gain some energy from it. 

_“Watch in awe how I’m becoming a brother you can be proud of.”_ He thought to himself. Although, this time, no one would answer his thought anymore.

When he marched to the class, he bumped into Sungyoon who had a backpack behind his back. He was going to the university as usual. Although he couldn’t take down the split sad expression when he saw Donghyun, at least he was stable and coping with his pain well. They smiled at each other politely and continued their path.

Donghyun arrived early to practice his moves again. However, without careful warmups, Donghyun soon found himself on the wooden floor with a loud heavy _Thud_. Groaning at his mishaps, he was about to pull himself up when someone offered him a hand. Someone handsome, tall and smiley. A stranger.

“Thank you” Donghyun cautiously said.

“You’re welcome. I’m a new student of our class, fifteen Choi Bomin, please take good care of me!” The younger bowed deeply and smiled a toothy, eye catching smile.

“Actually I have been so enthralled by your performance in that dancing contest. You are so amazing! Let’s dance together and teach me that.” Bomin nervously trailed off. He was so impressed by this hyung’s performance. He looked stunning in that night. He had waited for so long to finally mutter this out to his crush. He even went as far as to join the same class as his crush for this purpose only.

However, he couldn’t get a reply from the frozen hyung in front of him.

_Wow what should I do? But, even if he’s like this he is cute! So cute! Although, he is cuter when smiling though. What can I do to make him smile?_

The room was lit with sunshine and vague traits of rainbows. The snowflakes clouded the windows melted. Spring was finally here.

**end.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short spinoff (and kinda prequel) from with. sungyoon centered.

To be very frank, Sungyoon didn’t like Jangjun’s little brother at all. He resembled a porcupine. The menacing aura emitted from him can ward people fast. He also rarely smiled and when he talked he seemed to worry over minor problems and exaggerate. Meanwhile, Jangjun always exclaimed that his brother was a whole fluff and that he was so loveable. Sungyoon couldn’t see why. But he saw how Jangjun adored him.

  


Jangjun had been Sungyoon’s neighbor for as far as 6 years. They had their adolescent days filled with each other. They went to school together; they ate lunch at school together; they played football together; they did exercise together; they were together in almost all memories of theirs. Of course there would be times they were seperate- they had their own life too, Sungyoon still enjoyed moments he got to spend with Jangjun the most. Sungyoon thought they would remain like this for as long as they could, until a brother named Kim Donghyun walked in the picture.

Initially, Sungyoon was not that mean to mind the lack of their hangout time.

Jangjun would cut off club’s practices to come home early when his parents were absent, leaving his little brother alone at their house. Or when school ended early, Jangjun would jump right onto his bike and pedal off to the secondary school nearby to fetch his clueless brother home, completely forgetting his appointment with Sungyoon. There were many occasions Jangjun ditched Sungyoon for Donghyun. Although he had resigned himself, Sungyoon’s still disappointed looking at the excited Jangjun who was slowly disappearing from his sight. But his frustration wouldn’t last long, as the next morning that friend already sincerely apologized with his cringeworthy aegyo that sent multiple unknown butterflies to Sungyoon’s stomach. Sure thing, Sungyoon’s self-restraint got shattered way too quickly again by Jangjun.

 

 

  


If you wonder, yes, Sungyoon didn’t hide the fact that he liked the younger, a lot. Both as a best friend and something deeper than that. It was initially platonic between them. They attached through shared interest, then they started to hang out together more often. Then Sungyoon found his eyes linger way too long on Jangjun’s eyes (he couldn’t help it. The double lidded round eyes were always drawing him in); or he might want to extend their training time together so he could listen to the other’s random ranting a little more; or he wouldn't mind disregarding his close friends' invitation to join a night out to spend some more moments with Jangjun lazing around his house's sofa playing games; or he would aspire to touch and be touched by the younger more- the friendly arm over shoulder didn't feel enough. He wanted more. He wanted the same arm to slither around his shoulder to bring them closer, and that same arm would rest around his waist as they pull each other in a secure inseparable hug. 

Then Sungyoon knew, this inexplicable desire would only be attributed to one word, love.

However, typically, Sungyoon couldn’t utter it out loud. He would rather stay in his comfort zone where he had Jangjun as his closest friend so he could be with him for as long as he could. At least he could enjoy the younger’s care and give the same to the other without reluctance; at least he could be well liked by the younger’s and even his own family; at least it would ascertain that he and Jangjun would hardly be separate by such taboo as love between two guys.

He was apprehensive if an initiative will shred their current peaceful days apart. That was the worst scenario he was afraid of. Little did he know, though, not being able to confess his heart out was truly the most devastating thing.

 

 

  


That fateful night, Jangjun asked him out for a snack when Sungyoon was doing his assignment. Hearing the fatigue over the line, Sungyoon wasn’t hesitant as he grabbed his coat and stumbled his way to his house’s gate where Jangjun was waiting. For the whole night, although Jangjun often smiled, the grimace was displayed all over his face. As if sensing his scrutinizing gaze, Jangjun smiled tiredly.

“It’s just an argument between me and our parents over Donghyun’s future. It ended nastily so I’m quite unstable. Don’t worry too much haem.” 

Somehow Jangjun looked so vulnerable at this very moment, so much that Sungyoon just wanted to engrave that slender body into his chest and protect it against any adversities. Yet, his soberness only allowed him to trap Jangjun’s cold fingers under his warm palm. The hand felt oddly freezing, though. Sungyoon shuddled, assuming it should be because of the cold weather approaching, and tightened his hold around the hand under. Before he felt the effect, Jangjun drew his hands back hurriedly. His face was painted a bit pink and his eyes were hazy. Maybe Jangjun was drunk already.

 

 

  


They walked side by side soundlessly, heads laden with unspoken words. Ever since he held Jangjun’s hand in the stall and experienced the low temperature, there had been an unpleasant feeling in the pit of his stomach. This unsettlement persisted as they slowly made their way to their home. Sungyoon stopped abruptly and said to the restless younger.

“I think my stomach is acting up. I’m stopping by the drug store to buy some medicines. You can go first.”

The other hesitantly nodded. He seemed to want to say something but chose to shut his mouth. Jangjun took a step forward while Sungyoon remained on the spot, his eyes never left the slender silhouette. When Jangjun was about to turn right, he looked at Sungyoon again with eyes mixed with complicated feelings that Sungyoon couldn’t interpret because of the darkness. Unknowingly, Sungyoon wanted to shout out to that lonely person that three words he had held in for so long. Sungyoon had a feeling if he didn't do that, he would regret soon. But against his heart's order, Sungyoon smiled to greet the younger. But his heart sank deeper. The silhouette completely disappeared from his sight, and Sungyoon crouched down to embrace his cold body.

 

 

  


The coldness that rapidly pierced through his body when the warmth he enjoyed all these times was suddenly deprived of his hold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this also is the end of with yay!! i know this might be abrupt for sungyoon. i want to make a sequel for sungyoon's life too, but i think his appearance in chapter 2 implicates enough. just believe he will continue living pleasantly after and meet a perfect partner that can ease his pain about his first love! believe that everyone, including jangjun, will be happy nontheless ^^~


End file.
